I have struggled with infertility for nearly 5 years. Throughout that time I have received a variety of comments regarding my infertility from friends, family, and strangers (Yes, strangers. They see you looking at fertility sticks in the store and dive in with some heartfelt, yet not very helpful advice). I recognize that almost everyone made these comments out of love and concern, however, none of it was helpful. For a long time these comments infuriated me, until I started to associate them with major companies and their taglines. Here is the list of Comments and advice I have personally received as if given by popular companies (I apologize in advance for my sarcasm, please understand this is meant to be lighthearted and it helps me laugh at my situation):
1. Nike “Just Do it” : “Just have more sex” If it were only that easy.
2. Gatorade “Is it in you?”: “Try lifting your hips up after sex to make sure nothing comes out.” If that actually worked, then contraception would be as easy as standing up after sex.
4. Kodak “Share Moments. Share Life.”: “You want kids? You can have mine.” I know as a frazzled mother of 1+ kid(s) you have hard times. Maybe someday I will make that comment as well. But we both know that you love your kids deeply and won’t really share them with me. But if you change your mind, I’ll be here.
5. Covergirl & Olay “Simply Ageless”: “You’re so young; you have plenty of time.” At the time I was very irritated, but after starting the adoption process and realizing I was still too young to adopt from China, I did feel young. God is also showing me that his timing trumps my timing.
6. Walmart “Save money. Live better.”: “But kids are so expensive!” and “Enjoy your house now, because once you have kids it will be a mess.” You’re right. I no longer want kids. The maternal desire that has nestled itself deep inside my heart has disappeared and has been replaced with images of a perfect home and unlimited money.
7. The Home Depot “You can do it. We can help.”: “I know exactly what you are going through, I had a friend who…” These people try desperately to be able to relate to you. Is that such a crime? No, but it’s frustrating when they are constantly trying to help with things they really don’t understand.
8. Glad “Don’t get mad. Get Glad”: “Stop being selfish and be grateful for what you have.” Ouch.
9. Dupont “The Miracles of science”: “You should try fertility treatments.” and “Why aren’t you doing IUI or IVF?” Remind me when this become your business?
10. Taco Bell “Think Outside the Bun”: “You can always adopt” Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is a calling. Some couples are not called to adopt. Some couples can’t afford the professional fees that occur with adoption.
11. Target “Expect more. Pay less.”: “If you can’t afford adoption, do foster care. It’s cheaper and you can have a house full of kids.” Again, Foster Care is amazing, but it’s a calling.
12. Nissan “Enjoy the ride.”: “Enjoy the sex while you can, because once you have kids you’ll be too tired.” Okay, I actually did take this advice.