I saw her again; my little deer, my fawn.
I was dreaming.
Sammy was standing and he could walk, but that was about it. He couldn’t talk yet. We were in my old neighborhood and we were waiting to cross the street. Dean had a child, I’m not sure if it was ours, and I can’t even remember the age. I had a child as well, but I don’t think he was ours, or maybe he was, I don’t know, he was older than Sammy but younger than our deer, he could talk and he was scared of ghosts and I was telling him about Jesus. My brother Tommy was with Sammy and my fawn girl. My fawn girl was around 8 or 10. We were all about to cross the street. Then suddenly Dean and the other child were on the other side of the street. Tommy, Sammy, and Fawn were about to cross, and me and the little blonde boy were lagging behind because I was telling him about how Jesus helps me when I’m scared. Suddenly a car came zooming down the street and Fawn decided to try and make it across the road. She let go of Sammy’s hand (Sammy was holding Tommy and Fawn’s hands) and darted across the street. Tommy let go of Sammy’s hand and ran after her to try and catch her before she was hit by the car. The car nearly killed her, but it slammed on its brakes just in time. Dean ran to Fawn and embraced her. Sammy was crying on the curb and I ran to him. I remember desperately needing to hold all my babies at the same time. I kept trying to find Fawn so I could embrace her and make sure she was ok, but then the neighbors came out to see what happened and they all had these really aggressive dogs. The dogs kept trying to bite us and I couldn’t seem to round up my family to get us out of there.
My fawn had long sleek blackish blue hair; long like down to her butt. I couldn’t see her face though. But she was as tall and thin and as delicate as ever, just like a deer. Her name reminded me of a secret. I remember trying to yell it before she ran across the road and I kept thinking, “it’s a secret.”
I’m not going to lie, this dream scared the crap out of me. Not just because my little girl almost died, but because my little girl wasn’t so little in relation to my first child. I’ve been feeling called to older child adoption for almost a year now. Really, ever since I dreamt of my fawn for the first time. I wondered if maybe her quiet nature was because she wasn’t completely bonded or she was holding onto hurts or something.
Anyway, if God is calling us to adopt an older child, it means this will happen soon. Sammy wasn’t very vocal yet. How could we possibly be able to raise an older child. But how could we possibly live without her? I almost died when I thought she was going to die.
Oh Lord Jesus, guide us. Guide me. Protect our little Fawn, wherever she is. Amen